


phantom pain

by chidorinnn



Category: Shin Megami Tensei Series, Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-09
Updated: 2014-12-09
Packaged: 2018-02-28 18:04:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2741972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chidorinnn/pseuds/chidorinnn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Freedom ending: the Demi-fiend, Chiaki, Isamu, and Yuko struggle to cope in a world that doesn't remember the Conception.</p>
            </blockquote>





	phantom pain

**Author's Note:**

> Because Isamu and Chiaki deserve infinite hugs and not the hate the fandom piles onto them (at least in Isamu’s case, but I’m not entirely sure about Chiaki). I’m also going with Shin Managi as the Demi-fiend’s name because it’s official in something or another (a light novel, I think?), and everyone uses Naoki Kashima anyway.

            Isamu Nitta stops lying to himself when an old friend from middle school asks if they can hang out in Ikebukuro over the weekend.

            It happens during lunch on a day so normal, the oddness of the incident registers like a punch in the stomach. Shin hasn’t moved from his seat next to him, and Chiaki, sitting in front of him, swivels around to watch the scene unfold.

            Isamu can’t even bring himself to respond, because all he can see is the four walls of a prison cell, every ounce of strength in his body leaving in a red stream, _that guy works for the Nihilo, I’m sure of it_ —

            “Do you mind?” Chiaki asks in that _voice_ of hers – the one that makes you feel like a tiny speck of dust compared to a boulder. “He isn’t interested.”

            Isamu doesn’t even register his friend leaving as he draws his knees to his chest, and it’s a little uncomfortable since he doesn’t really fit in his desk chair in this position, but he doesn’t know what else to do. “That was a little harsh, don’t you think?” Shin asks carefully, calculatedly.

            Chiaki flips a strand of hair over her shoulder. “He deserved it,” she sneers. “You’ve gotta learn to do these things by yourself, Isamu.”

            “But that doesn’t mean I won’t be there to help you out,” Shin says quickly, awkwardly. “I mean… _we’ll_ be there to help you out. How about this? If we hang out on Sunday in his place—“

            “Oh my god, Shin,” Chiaki huffs. “He’s not a _demon_.” Shin flinches, and Chiaki immediately backtracks. “I mean…”

            “No, you’re right,” Shin says, exhaling slowly. “Sorry.” He gives a hollow smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes, and Isamu feels guilty all over again.

            “Hey…” he says slowly, patting Shin awkwardly on the back. “I’m not going anywhere.” _Not to the Amala Labrynth, not to the Nihilo’s headquarters…_

            Shin’s smile fades, leaving a frown of worry and anxiety in its place. “I know…”

\--

            Chiaki Hayasaka stops lying to herself the day she starts using her left arm for everything.

            Her classmates marvel at how she can write just as amazingly well with her left hand as she can with her right. Her parents, when they’re there, wonder what’s gotten into her, to avoid using her right hand so fervently.

            And Chiaki’s right arm – it just hangs there. Limp. Useless. A deadweight. It’s as if it doesn’t exist, and she can’t ignore the nagging voice in her mind telling her that it _shouldn’t_.

            Because all she can see, instead of her right arm, is long black tendrils covered in the blood of hundreds of mud dolls – _Manikins_ , she reminds herself, because those were _people_ that she’d slaughtered under such awful despair and anger, no matter what species they were, and she had no right to take away life like that.

            So, no. Chiaki doesn’t use her right arm anymore, and it’s always, _always_ covered in blood to her eyes.

            And when she watches the news, she always keeps an eye out for a tall man with a bun atop his head, in hopes that she can meet him one day and apologize, whether he remembers her or not.

            Kagutsuchi knows she doesn’t apologize enough to Shin and Isamu as it is.

\--

            Shin Managi stops lying to himself when he lies awake in bed for what feels like the ten millionth night in a row.

            He can’t fall asleep normally anymore, and since his parents are working oversees – have been since way before _it_ happened – he has no reason to.

            Yesterday, it was the nagging feeling that _something_ was watching him, that there were demons nearby just waiting to attack. The night before, it was a thunderstorm that lasted an entire night, which he stayed awake to watch to make sure that _it_ didn’t happen again.

            And tonight, it’s a paradoxical feeling of simultaneous listlessness and anxiety. An endless, ever-present loop of: _I need to sleep so that I can keep my strength up if I don’t keep my strength up then how can I fight when it happens again will it happen tomorrow or years from now I don’t know I don’t want to think anymore—_

            And it doesn’t look like he’ll get any sleep tonight either, which means he’ll have to sleep at school, and that could really go either way, but he doesn’t care if he interrupts the class by waking up screaming again…

            And it’s not like sleeping is any better, since his dreams are plagued with a crazed Chiaki slicing through Manikins and making it rain blood, a hysterical Isamu ranting about his contradictory ideology, Hijiri’s body melting into a pool of Magatsuhi, darkness swirling about the room as Hikawa threatens to kill him…

            So Shin just turns onto his side, squeezes his eyes shut, and waits listlessly for dawn.

\--

            Yuko Takao stops lying to herself when she finally registers that her students are in serious pain.

            Chiaki twists her body in an awkward and surely painful way so that she can write down notes as comfortably as possible. Isamu wraps his arms around his body and curls into himself halfway into the lecture, but not before tipping his hat forward so that Yuko can’t see his face. Shin has a nightmare as he sleeps with his head buried in his arms on his desk, his whole body trembling.

            When the lecture – of the last period of the day, no less – finally ends, Yuko watches the three students closely.

            Chiaki moves first, standing up and rolling her left shoulder backward as she plasters her right arm to her side. She makes her way to Isamu’s desk, crouching down by him with her left hand firmly on his arm and whispering something into his ear.

            Isamu moves next, slowly coming out of his too-defensive position, and he stares at Chiaki for a good two minutes to register that _yes_ , she’s still there, and that _no_ , he’s not alone.

            Then they both move, practically tiptoeing to Shin’s desk. He’s still asleep, but he’s trembling even worse than before, and Yuko could swear that she can hear him whimpering and mumbling anxiously in his sleep. Chiaki and Isamu form something like a protective wall around him, gently prodding him awake (Isamu) and glaring harshly at any other students who dare approach him (Chiaki).

            Shin jolts awake with a strangled gasp rather than a scream and bolts upright; Yuko could swear that his eyes flash yellow for a moment.

            Isamu crouches down so that he’s at eye-level with Shin, putting one hand on the still rather hysterical boy’s arm and using the other to rub circles into his back. “Hey, man,” Isamu says, starting a routine that the three of them have practiced multiple times before. “It’s okay. You’re okay, we’re okay, everyone’s okay, the world’s okay…”

            Shin slowly relaxes as Isamu keeps talking, most of the tension leaving his body. Chiaki’s eyes soften as she takes a break from glaring at her classmates to look at Shin. “Are you okay?” she asks, and though her voice still sounds a bit cold, it’s perhaps the warmest Yuko has ever heard it.

            Shin exhales slowly as he rubs his eyes. He looks so sickly, with how pale his face is and how dark the shadows under his eyes are, that Yuko finds it hard to believe that he’s the same half-demon who’d saved her before. Shin gives Chiaki a weak, hollow smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Yeah,” he answers, his voice rasping a little. “Sorry.”

            Isamu claps him on the back, and the grin on his face looks a tad bit forced. “Don’t sweat it.”

            “Shall we get going, then?” Chiaki asks as she crosses her arms. “There’s something I need to get from that store in Shinjuku.”

            “Shinjuku?” Isamu echoes. “Nuh-uh. No way.”

            “Okay, we’ll check Nagata-cho,” Chiaki quickly relents.

            “Can we study together for entrance exams tonight?” Shin asks, and Yuko’s heard this conversation enough times to know that “studying for entrance exams” entails the three of them sleeping over at the same house, close at least in proximity to make up for what happened between them in the Vortex World.

            “Yeah, I could use a good study session,” Isamu agrees.

            “You said it,” Chiaki sighs.

            The three of them catch Yuko’s eye as they leave the classroom. “I’m so sorry,” Yuko says like she always does, and she doesn’t expect them to ever forgive her.


End file.
